Nekims journey and the continuous struggles of a part-time small stakes grinder

  • Nekims journey and the continuous struggles of a part-time small stakes grinder

     Nekim updated 6 months, 1 week ago 5 Members · 30 Posts
  • Nekim

    September 1, 2020 at 8:52 am

    Hey everybody,

    weekend trip with my friends was great but exhausting af. Feeling a lot of physical pain after spending an entire day in an indoor-fun-park. (not used to do that much sports) … also didnt get a lot of sleep on the trip

    Im gonna take this week slow as well, take the time to recover. Had sessions planned for early days this week but i am not feeling fit. Weekend is packed with birthdays where ill see my close friends and family.

    Ill do some off table work but ill just play the minimum this week and restart my journey on the 7th of sept.

    see you then, gl on the grind!

  • Fernando Habegger

    September 2, 2020 at 8:05 am

    Hey @nekim that EV graph looks sweet! The whole thing will turn around eventually, so keep your head up! πŸ˜‰

    I’ve read through some of the “live balance” problems you’ve mentioned above. I’m looking so start a new format for youtube, where I discuss deeper problems with poker players on a call. If you’re willing to do that, we can have a 30 min call discussing your situation. You can remain anonymous of course. Only myself will be on cam.

    Let me know if you’re interested. Just hit me up on discord.

    Enjoy the weekend with your friends / family.



  • Nekim

    September 9, 2020 at 11:17 pm

    Hey friends its been a while,

    currently still going through my roughest time i have every experienced in poker. I am playing, and it feels like i am not doing terrible things – but i am losing stack after stack.

    I had a really productive conversation with Fernando after he made the above offer. Sadly the recording didnt work out. Currently not in the mood to write more about it, but i will in the future.

    I have spend this week playing a lot, currently i am placed 3rd in a rake race on RIO and i hope i can hold that spot. (hope my bankroll hoooooolllldss)

    I have been reviewing a lot of hands because i have lost another 30 stacks in a very short timeframe.

    I have made some very poor decisions, but overall i am 100% certain that its simply the worst run of cards i have ever had. Villains are doing completely retarded things but get there over and over again.

    Beside running massive amounts under ev, i am also losing every freaking other pot in ridicoulus fashion.

    If in the last 50k hands the absolute hands strenght of my hands was reversed with my opponents hands – i would have crushed it! Sadly i am dealt into setup after setup and villains drawing hands overperform while mine underperform in relevant spots.

    I know everybody on downswing will say things like that – but i am 100% sure its true. Everyone who doubts it is welcome to look through my database. 100€ reward if its purely me being terrible πŸ˜‰

    while looking through my hands today i had an emotional rollercoaster. On the one hand its hilarious to see how retarded some ppl play, on the other hands it was saddening to see them get rewarded nearly every time.

    find attached my graph since starting this blog…

  • Nekim

    September 16, 2020 at 9:51 pm

    Hey everybody,

    the struggle continues. currently getting beat down every time i sit down to play. I went through a ton of my hands again and i am quite happy with how i played most of it. Cards arent with me for quite some time now and i have to accept the fact that there is nothing i can change about it.

    I was in a weird situation last week, losing a ton while playing but also having a good spot in the leaderboard. Put me in an awkward situation where i was having the lobby open at all time to be able to protect my #2 spot for 4 days. I made it to the end after heavy losses but scored a total of 800€ in rakeback last week. Doesnt even cover up my losses but it shows the amazing potential.

    People were still doing terrible stuff but making the better hand nearly every damn time (you are still welcome to check my database to see if i am shittalking —> 100€reward if its just me being bad)

    after heavy losses starting this week i took today off to mentally recover. I got in on BenCBs Among US game and had a real blast playing the game for the first time.

    for the upcomin weeks ill have to rethink my approach to handling this situation, my bankroll is going down day by day and i think i am amplyfying the bad luck with some bad play.

    Not sure where i will end up with this but ill let you know

    just hoping the freaking under-ev-running would stop. I dont even ask for running above EV… i just want my actual ev and everything would be fine

    greetings and gl at the table

  • Cayla2016

    September 22, 2020 at 9:10 am

    Hi Nekim,

    Is it going a bit better already since your horrible run? I’ve gone threw periode like this many times as well. My biggest issue is that I can’t stay sober (mainly alcohol), to maintain a good mindset in the long run. Yesterday I took a fresh new start (for the 100th time), but I’m motivated πŸ™‚

    If u want to discuss some hands, mindset or anything… Don’t hesitate to hit me up on discord => alejo83#0274.


  • Nekim

    May 2, 2021 at 3:21 pm

    Hello everybody,

    guess whos back once again πŸ˜€

    half a year ago i abandoned this blog for several reason. I was on a massive downswing that i have never experienced before. There is a big difference when it comes to knowing about something that can theoretically happen and that thing actually happening.

    Running bad lead to playing bad. A downward spiral that i just couldnt seem to stop. I decided to take a break and just when i was about to return the German gambling laws changed and poker sites closed down for us for several months.

    Since late december i was allowed back to play and i did so without putting any real effort into studying or improving.

    Corona is giving me a tough time additionally and i fell back into a bunch of my bad habits that i have talked about in the past.

    – Playing under the influence of alcohol

    – chasing losses on higher stakes

    – not sticking to my schedule

    – spending time raging about things i cant influence

    Aside from the table i am currently very unhappy about

    – general lack of motivation (probably a bit depressed)

    – eating habits

    – not exercising

    – social-media-consumption

    – bad sleep

    – no work on mental game

    In a bunch of areas i laid some fundamentals for improvements, but so far i lack consistency to make actual progress.

    I started preparing my own meals, bought a cook-book, new knives and a bunch of kitchen-material. I bought a course for PLO strategy and own the A-game Masterclass by Elliot Roe.

    Thinking back when i made the most progress, i was journaling a lot and working with a preplanned schedule. I havent done any of that in the last months but really want to restart developing good routines and habits.

    I am once again dedicated to log my progress in this thread and hope it sparks some interest for others.

    there are soooo many areas i have to work on and want to work on. But i need to make sure not to overwhelm myself and burn out in short order.

    This is the first step to the comeback, will write again very soon about my current status in life and in poker.

    cu then, gl at the tables everybody

    • This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Nekim.
    • This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Nekim.
  • Nekim

    May 5, 2021 at 2:47 pm

    Hello everybody,

    during the last 3 days i got in some nice study time as well as volume at the tables.

    I am currently not a mastermind member since its a little too costly at the moment, but i own another course that i have started to work through. (am i allowed to name it?)

    my first learnings: (obviously most if this isnt actually new to me but i want to go through everything step by step as indended)

    – there is a ton of variance in PLO and not understanding this properly will create flawed ways of thinking about the results.

    – its important to focus on quality over quantity

    – i will stick to a very conservative 100BI-Bankrollmanagement

    Choosing the right poker site:

    most important factors:

    – softness of player field

    – game availability

    – promotions/rewards/rakeback

    My #1 choice is still Run it once poker. The games i want to play are not always available, but RIO scores full points in the other fields πŸ˜€

    GTO vs Exploitative Approach:

    Its important to understand GTO fundamentals to see where players deviate and open up for exploitation.

    On micro/small-stakes nobody plays even close to GTO so finding max-EV lines and preparing for expected deviations is key.

    common population tendencies:


    … dont 3b very wide –> we fold more vs 3b

    … only 4b AAxx –> we fold more hands that dont perform well vs AA-heavy range

    … dont lead a lot –> we check back a little more vs strong checking range

    … coldcall very wide –> we tighten up preflop and prepare for more multiway pots


    I have restarted my journey with a clean 3.000€ balance on RIO and plan to grind it up to 5k before moving up in stakes. I self-excluded myself from anything higher than PLO20.

    Currently the goal is to play 12-15hours per week. I am currently trying to drastically lower my VPIP and i am not yet sure how much rake this will generate. My plan is to structure my hours around the RIO-rakeback system and achieve the low heart-ranks on a consistent basis (= at least 150€ rake / week).

    With all their promotions combined its pretty easy to receive 70%+ rakeback.

    I am writing a session protocol every time i sit down to play. I am also using those sheets to review my sessions later on.

    Yesterday i found myself in a dilemma. I had the plan to set strict timeframes when i am going to end my session. I am still unsure if i should allow myself to ignore my scheduled ending to play on.

    Yesterday there was a massive whale playing on all my tables who was punting away stack after stack and i felt it would be plain stupid to close the table.

    They were playing 70VPIP with 50% 3bet and just piling in random hands on any board. I combined all nicknames that i think were the same player into an Alias in my Holdem Manager. This is just 1 Session.

    Would you have quit? πŸ˜€

  • Nekim

    May 9, 2021 at 2:23 pm

    Hey Everybody,

    throwing in a quick update to sum up the week.

    Pretty happy about everything right now. Im currently applying for a different job and after a first zoom call i was invited for the next round.

    I was able to do most things that i put on my to-do-list. Looking forward to improving in that area. Im currently very low energy because of my bad habits, but i have started to work on all areas and i am confident that little improvements on a consistent basis will lead towards a much better physical and mental state in some time.

    Pokerwise i played 18hours, which is quite a lot for me. I mostly felt good at the tables, had some tilty moments here and there but no horrific spew.

    Im still on the mission to drastically reduce my VPIP. Id describe myself as more on the passive side of things and on PLO20 you can find a lot of aggressive spewtards. In my reviews i found a bit too many hands that lacked playability and i folded the best hand a bit too often.

    So the goal is to have more equity in those spots in the future to continue more confidently and collect when ppl go crazy.

    Ill also make it a goal to just bet more often with bigger sizings and trap less. People with VPIP 60+ are likely dumb stations, thats how it is.

    With the volume i played i am currently placed #2 on RIOs PLO20 leaderboard, which is good for 175€. I am confident i can hold that spot today. Ill get another 45€ rakeback through the normal program, so thats 11 stacks of rakeback in just 5000hands.

    probably not a ton of sites around where id get a better deal than that.

    on the study side i reviewed every session i played and worked with the course i own, latest topic being the importance of self-awareness and deep work.

    thats it for now, see you at the tables, have a nice sunday everyone πŸ™‚

  • Nekim

    May 15, 2021 at 1:36 pm

    So here we go again,

    currently things are going really well privately. Feeling pretty good and getting all my shit done better and better every day.

    Got invited to round 3 of an application process for a new job. Look forward to take that last hurdle and hopefully improve on that front soon.

    Visited my family over the last two days and we had some nice time together, having nice meals and playing board games.

    When it comes to poker i put in pretty big volume (for me, not actually a ton ^^), i was mostly pretty happy with how i played but cards arent really falling my way at the moment. So i lost a bit at the tables but got huge prizes from the RIO leaderboards which leave me with a tiny profit.

    People are still doing outragesly bad shit but so far i coudnt really capitalize from it because i just didnt make hands to fight for the pots. Obviously im also making huge mistakes but i am fairly confident to be one of the better players in the pool.

    I have reviewed my sessions a lot but am slacking when it comes to working on theory and mental game. Gonna need to bring more structure to that area.

    Good times ahead, enjoy your weeking and gl at the tables πŸ™‚

    greetings, Nekim

    • This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Nekim.
  • Nekim

    May 27, 2021 at 7:54 pm

    Hello everybody,

    once again a quick update. Have been slacking again a bit lately despite having a bunch of free time.

    I had a very nice day at the company where i applied for a new job, tomorrow ill get to know if they offer me the position. I have high hopes that its going to work out.

    I didnt get my lazy ass to work on theory and played more volume instead once again. RIO had nice leaderboard promotions and i was able to snag some good prizes.

    Sadly im running fairly shitty at the tables and dont have myself under control all the time. Running bad and losing a bunch of stacks to some 60vpip+ players currently triggers my tilt issues fairly quickly.

    For the month i am up 500€, which is 25 stacks on PLO20 and if you had told me that in advance i would have taken it happily. But if i look at how i played some of those hands, how much i stood in my own way it gives me strange feelings.

    There are a bunch of HORRIBLE players in a very small player pool and still i dont have a positive EV-Winrate against them. Instead of focussing on getting better and working on my emotional issues i have been crying about it in JammySEAs twitchchat.

    Im going to end my month early instead of playing the last couple of days. I will spend some time with friends and family, hopefully celebrating a new job shortly.

    Moving forward i am going to put a ton more emphasis on theory-study and mindset-work.

    ill make it a goal to write about it detailed in this blog.

    for now thats it, gl everybody whos still on the grind.

    greetings, Nekim

  • Nekim

    June 14, 2021 at 8:54 pm

    Hello Everybody,

    i have been quite silent for a bit because i just didnt do a lot of poker related stuff.

    Covid restrictions are getting lifted at the moment and i have been using the time to meet friends and family. I have really enjoyed my time off and dont really feel a ton of motivation to play or study at the moment.

    The weather is great and i try to be a little more active. Looking forward to visit the gym soon again as well.

    I got the new position i applied for and will be starting there in August. Really happy to make that step. Its a young company and there is still a lot of things under development and i can see myself flourish in the new environment. It also means meaningfully more money for me so thats nice as well πŸ˜€

    another reason i currently really dont enjoy playing is my runbad. I am running heaps below ev for a year now and it just painful to see the retards sitting on massive stacks every session while i cant win a single pot.

    They coldcall 4bets with any 4cards and make the nuts every single time. Its just not enjoyable and it has been the same shit for weeks

    so ill use the next couple of weeks to find out what i really want. Even considering to leave poker behind me to be honest since even after years of trying i am still fairly bad and dont get my mindset under control.

    well well… thats it for today, gl everybody at the tables, greetings Nekim

  • Nekim

    June 16, 2021 at 10:32 am

    I just did a little session review and also took a little look at how the players that i mark as terrible play their hands. On RIO you get send handhistories with everybodys hole-cards.

    In the picture below you can see Aaron Ms results from the post above. He does actually play like a real retard, its not exaggerated.

    He opens utter garbage hands, coldcalls 3bets with trash, calls 60bb 4bets with hands like T875 monocolor…

    I know i am not a great PLO player, but at least i try to do reasonable things. I know i should be happy that i have at least two complete morons at every table, but somehow i dont beat them despite their best efforts to spew around money. And this pains me. My style of play is very much based on making good hands and relying on others overplaying their trash holdings. I am not very aggressive. So when i dont make good hands i am lost.

    And i havent made good hands at reasonable rates for quite some time.

    I am well aware that this is where my work begins, but i am still unsure if thats currently what i want.

    Enjoy the king of morons and his sunrun:

  • Nekim

    July 13, 2021 at 4:43 pm

    Hello Everybody,

    this is probably going to be my last post here.

    I currently dont have any motivation to play or study, whenever i sit down for a casual session i get beat up badly by 70%vpip morons who cold 4b 8643ss but just sunrun every session i am next to them. I am just too sick of it. Running terrible for over a year sucks the joy out of playing, at least for me. (5bb/100 below ev since may 2020)

    It doesnt give me any joy to beat those ppl and i have massive tilt issues whenever their retarded playstyle gets rewarded.

    I am not even losing money, but i am also not getting anywhere. My bankroll should probably be 5k higher but sadly things arent going my way for months now and i am only getting along because of RIOs great promotions.

    there are other factors that also play a big role:

    i am starting my new job in August and want to make sure i am having a good start there and that i am able to learn everything i need there in a quick manner.

    Besides that i am also enjoying life with my friends and family much more right now. Since covid restrictions have been lifted i had appointments every weekend, often including a bunch of alcoholic beverages πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    i dont know what the future holds but currently things are also looking very grim when it comes to the german legislation and poker. Some sites have already informed me that the german tax promts cost increases which make it impossible to play.

    so thats it for me until i make my 25th return to the stage πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    thx for reading, wish u all the best, cu in the future πŸ™‚

    greetings Nekim

Viewing 16 - 28 of 28 replies

Start of Discussion
0 of 0 posts June 2018

Do I need to apply to Black Card if I am a former VIP Rewards Member?

All VIP Rewards members were automatically enrolled in the Black Card program and don’t need to apply again.

Welcome, you are in!